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#1 April 1, 2012 21:03:06

trudy
Registered: 2012-04-01
Posts: 7
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

bobkatak
Everyday since the RAI her hyper symptoms get worse although I think the beta blocker works well since I havent seen the rage I saw two months ago.

I think I read that initially after an RAI the thyroid does put out more T3 and T4, then it slowly dies off. I think that's why they put people on a steroid for awhile after an RAI, to protect the eyes.

I was incredibly angry at the world until this stuff got diagnosed and I'd been on the Methimazole for awhile. Fortunately I live by myself so I wasn't causing distress to anyone else.

It is shocking to know that our emotional state is so irrationally influenced by our bodies.

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#2 April 3, 2012 15:03:48

bobkatak
From: Minot, ND
Registered: 2012-01-30
Posts: 12
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

katherinesc

Thankyou for your response it helps me understand how devestating this disease is and that there may be some hope even if very little.

She is 15 days post RAI today. This weekend her rage was back, I asked her how she was feeling and she said great thats why she quit taking the beta blocker, that explained why her rage was back. I did convince her she had to take them to protect her heart and I believe she has started again. She still will not talk to our daughters and their relationship is getting worse, my youngest was home from college this weekend and they didnt speak ten words to each other. A week or so ago she agreed to wait until mid Apr to move out and file for divorce but i know she already has an apartment and filled out the divorce paperwork so I expect to come home one day soon and her things will be gone and i will be served with divorce papers. I can only hope the RAI starts to kick in and her levels begin to come back into the normal range really soon or it may be too late.

It has been a long painful four months and i will not give up but at some point I have to move on. I have become very numb to her over the last four months and have done everything I can to support her so if she leaves now I know I did everything I could. She is very vindictive right now and does things just to make my daughter that lives us mad, very childish things. It just amazes me how this disease can turn a loving gentle woman into an angry mean person with no conscience.

Thanks to everyone for your comments and support and I will keep updating I just hope with some good news for a change.

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#3 April 4, 2012 10:11:34

Kimberly
Online Facilitator
Registered: 2008-10-14
Posts: 3993
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

Hello - I'm so sorry to hear about this latest setback. Patients are generally advised to *not* to go “cold turkey” in discontinuing a beta blocker, but rather to wean off the meds gradually under a doctor's care.

Your wife is still early in the post-RAI process…I continue to hope for a positive outcome for you and your family. Take care!


Kimberly
GDATF Forum Facilitator

…through nature's inflexible grace, I'm learning to live…
– Dream Theater

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#4 April 4, 2012 16:53:38

snelsen
From: Seattle, Wa.
Registered: 2010-01-01
Posts: 1909
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

Hi, I am sending a friendly and supportive world to you and your kids. This has been a very rough ride. I realize that you have gotten solid advice about meds, etc. and I am compelled to comment that we ALL realize that it is not as simple as you telling your wife ANYTHING about what she should/not do with her meds. I don't know if you will have any success with this tactic, but maybe you can tell her it scares you for her health if she stops the beta blocker. That maybe she should check with her endo. Because Kimberly is right. An abrupt discontinuing of a med, some more than others, can be big trouble.

It is possible that at some point you may need to move on. And yes, you have done everything you could possibly do to support your wife and your children. Plus having a job, and the responsibilities involved in running a household.
I KNOW your world will settle down and get better. Just not sure how it will turn out.
Shirley


TED 2008-present. OD for pressure on optic nerve 02/02/10
Eye muscle surgery 09/23/10 Upper eyelid surgery 02/01/11
Lower eyelids with grafts from palate, 10/5, 10/25/11
Graves dx/thyroidectomy 1959-Synthroid from 1980

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#5 April 6, 2012 10:30:20

katherinesc
Registered: 2012-03-12
Posts: 16
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

I am so sorry this is happening to you but know my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. When I read your posts, it's like deja vu for me. Just know that this disease can make people feel very off-kilter. I'm FINALLY at the point where I “recognize”, pay attention and cognitive more of my actions when I feel this way. Although I've been on medication for 4 years, I can tell you that I'm very “reactive” at times and so sorry for my actions afterwards. This is a terrible time and you're right, at some point you do need to rid yourself of the stress but it just doesn't seem fair. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best for you. You sound like a very patient man. I hope your wife will see the light before the darkness surrounds her, as it did for me. I'm very grateful for my husband, but after 6 mos. of divorce, he had moved on too. It was tough asking for his forgiveness, especially since at that point, I still didn't understand what was happening to me and like I said, didn't get dx until 4 years ago. Best wishes to you, please keep in touch with us.

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#6 April 6, 2012 18:57:25

snelsen
From: Seattle, Wa.
Registered: 2010-01-01
Posts: 1909
Profile  

Wife want divorce and family in shambles

HI.
Just a thought from a wife who was toxic to the max (hyper) and had a small baby. You know, at some point, we (and I, at that time) need to be accountable to ourselves, our husband and our children. Yes, there is a time we are kinda crazy. But we really know it. We want to be “fixed,” cured and get back to our normal lives.

There is a possibility that, no matter how wonderful your marriage was, it may be irretrievable. I have no idea. At some point, the “disease” can be an excuse.
There are some people who have enjoyed their hyper state, and want to stay that way. Is your wife one of them? I have no idea. But, speaking from her place, there a point in all of this where she should be working with you, not against you not getting an apartment on her own, and not seeing another man. That is simply not a way for you to live your life. You deserve more.

If it ends up that you end up back together and it is working, then all that I said above, does not apply. But if this goes on forever, I encourage you to think of yourself, the rest of your life, and your kids.
Hard to hear (or read) maybe. But put in the hopper with all the other options you have. And YOU have them.
Shirley, former Graves' wife, who wanted to get better more than anything else in the world, and hated the hyper crazy state I was in.


TED 2008-present. OD for pressure on optic nerve 02/02/10
Eye muscle surgery 09/23/10 Upper eyelid surgery 02/01/11
Lower eyelids with grafts from palate, 10/5, 10/25/11
Graves dx/thyroidectomy 1959-Synthroid from 1980

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#7 April 7, 2012 07:22:37

PolishTym
Registered: 2011-03-01
Posts: 66
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Wife want divorce and family in shambles

You've got some great replies in this forum. Graves' disease can be tough on the family, and I am glad my Graves' didn't come on in the first few years of my marriage. My wife and I had 16 -17 years of marriage behind us and experience overcoming problems thrust upon us. My wife could tell something wasn't right and she was very supportive when we found out, but I also wanted to feel “normal” ASAP. Through the hills and valleys she learned not to be bothered by my infrequent temperamental moments and I learned when to go for walks or do something relaxing.

If there had been underlying issues in the marriage, who knows what would have happened. It sounds like you've been super supportive and understanding.


Diagnosed 2009
Total Thyroidectomy 2011

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#8 April 8, 2012 14:06:49

keesephoto
Registered: 2012-03-20
Posts: 15
Profile  

Wife want divorce and family in shambles

I personally do not thing Graves is any kind of excuse for seeing another man or being so mean. This coming from a woman who was extremely toxic, tired of it all, and felt completely hopeless many times with this disease (sort of at that point now). While I personally do snap way more often than I would like or realize…it's not on purpose. It's an initial reaction in part because of the Graves that I have to keep in check and an eye on daily, some days hourly.

It sounds like there is much more going on here than this disease.

I have to say it….where is God in this matter? Have you gotten on your knees to him about it?
He wants to be in your marriage and your marriage to be about him and only him. Sometimes he will bring a marriage back by putting him first…sometimes it takes both but either way, you're not alone in it if he's in it.

HUGS. I really hope you can find your way.

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#9 April 11, 2012 15:29:49

bobkatak
From: Minot, ND
Registered: 2012-01-30
Posts: 12
Profile  

Wife want divorce and family in shambles

Thanks to all for your comments and advice now a quick update.

My wife actually likes being hyperthyroid and tells me that all the time. Her mother died at 47 of a heart attack and my wife just turned 47 so the only thing that is driving her to get help is her racing heart. She doent have severe hyperthyroidism so she thinks everything is great especially her new attitude and weight loss. I say new but after talking with the kids we think she has had symptoms for well over a year.

Yesterday she had her first follow-up 22 days post RAI and her labs were more that twice what they have ever been and in the wrong direction. Her endo wanted to put her on PTU since she had a reaction to methamozole until her numbers go down but she decided she didnt want it she is going to stick with the beta blockers. Her dose was 27.5 mCi which I thought was rather high so I thought she would see quick results. Even the Endo was surprised at her lab results and had the lab recheck them. Anyway unless the thyroid is dumping a lot of hormone right now because a large part of it is dying I dont see a lot of improvement coming anytime soon.

TSH 0.01 range .34-5.6 (this hasnt change since her diagnosis)
FT4 4.08 range .61-1.12
FT3 9.89 range 2.50-3.90

Today after 4 and a half months of threats she moved out into an apartment, we have been getting along ok but her and her daughters still refuse to talk to each other and she told me she was leaving because she could not stand being around my oldest daughter that is currently living with us. When I told her she needed to make amends not run away from the problem she told me they will get over it in time its no big deal. Its amazing what this disease can do to someones attitude. Anyway she left taking only some of her clothes, a tv, and bathroom supplies its like she doesnt think about the consequences. We have a rather large house and she could have easily taken a lot more than she needed to furnish her apartment. One of the last things we talked about was she wanted to keep in touch on regular basis and go out for dinners but i am not sure I want that. I am ready for her to move on so we can start healing what is left of our family. if she ever comes around i will have a hard time trying to reconcile after the things she has said and done so I am ready to deal with this. I guess only time will tell hopefully the RAI does something for her not just for her but for our two daughters.

Anyway i just wanted to thank everyone for your support and providing me an opportunity to vent, this is an awesome website. I will continue to update if anything changes.

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#10 April 12, 2012 17:23:06

Kimberly
Online Facilitator
Registered: 2008-10-14
Posts: 3993
Profile  

Wife want divorce and family in shambles

Hello - I'm truly sorry to hear it's come to this.

I wish your wife had an interest in joining this board or contacting someone at the Foundation via phone or e-mail. We really encourage patients to NOT make major, life-altering decisions while hyperthyroid, as it's so difficult to make a rational, well though out decision while our system is running on overdrive.

My best wishes to you and your entire family.


Kimberly
GDATF Forum Facilitator

…through nature's inflexible grace, I'm learning to live…
– Dream Theater

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