I don't have any good suggestions except perhaps reading online from reputable sites like Mayo Clinic. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/thyroidectomy/MY00709)
It summarizes pretty well the in's and out's of the surgery, risks and what to expect etc.
I am as guilty as the next guy of worrying like crazy about what could happen with pretty much of everything. I understand your concerns, fears, and wanting to know as much as possible. The best thing you can do is to find the best surgeon you can who has a lot of experience, make sure you are as prepared health wise as possible to have a safe surgery and then move forward and not worry too much about the what if's and outcomes. (Easier said than done!
– I know.
The one thing we know is that if we can't take ATD's for some reason or another or we choose not to, we have to make a choice about how to deal with Graves so that we can be well. Surgery or RAI will do that. They aren't without their own effects- mostly short term- but, those effects are (I would say) much less serious and dangerous than doing nothing.
I went to the dentist today and the hygenist asked how I was doing. She commented that it was nice to see me smiling again and that I “didn't look well” last time she saw me (8 months ago right before I started methimazole and was having a hard time with Graves). Surgery gave me that smile back. It gave me my health back. Perfect? No, but better!
Don't drive yourself too crazy reading all the information out there (like I did!), there are so many horror stories- don't let it paralyze you from making a decision. My endo. would always tell me that if I worry about everything and read everything, I won't end up doing anything. He was right too in saying that I had to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family. Do your research with reputable sources, talk with your surgeon, make a decision and stick with it. It's hard bc you never know and there are no guarantees, but we do know that we can't live with uncontrolled hyperthyroidism.