Hi everyone. I'm following this forum for a long time. And decided I need to share my version of Graves.
I've been diagnosed and the battle started 6 years ago..
Spent 2 years suppressing the hormones and praying the Graves to back out. well that didn't happen
What happened is, it came forward and attacked to my eyes. My eyelids retracted.
Its so easy when you are writing it down. “my eyelids retracted”, 3 simple words. It wasn't so easy while you were living it. Besides never ending painful days for months! it was so depressing to be sick all the time. And that look on people's faces… they weren't helping either. Each one pushes you inside yourself (I know some of you understands what I mean)
I tried anything. Anything I read here and internet, anything people said might work. Even tried acupuncture. When you are that desperate you can let people stick needles to your eyes.
Well nothing worked.
And my Doc said that I need total thyroidectomy. And I said ok. I cried myself out like a child saying “my poor thyroids, they didn't do anything wrong why do they have to die”.
But I did it. Cause that's what it supposed to be as my Doctor said they need to go.
Its been 3 years. I've never felt like “I was cured”. But I was better then before. My eyelids came down slowly in months. Never returned what they exactly were but I even had surgery for my eye bags, 1 year after the total thyroidectomy. Cause my doc let me. He said “graves is gone. your eyes are stable”
I was like “ok maybe I'm not cured yet but I'm getting there. Even its slowly”
Well that never happened either. Neither my doc found a balanced dosage for my thyroid hormones nor I felt “healthy as before”. Feeling tired most of the times, lost so much hair, the feeling that I'm getting older faster then ever (my skin etc) were always there. The disappointment.
All these changed a few days ago. Apparently I was disappointed for nothing as there still is more to come! Battle wasn't over..
Cause my eyelids started to retract again. So its official that I've been miss led by my docs. Apparently, Graves never goes away even if you have removed your thyroids. So I lost my organ for nothing. I had two surgeries for nothing. Furthermore I had my hopes up for nothing.
And I don't know what to do now. Even the thought of those painful days are coming back, makes me.. dark.. and so hopeless..
Wishing you all have a better luck.