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#1 Jan. 9, 2021 22:04:05

iwonder
Registered: 2021-01-09
Posts: 4
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Hi All,

So my ex boyfriend has Grave’s disease. I’m hoping you all can help me understand if his behavior was a manifestation of improperly treated Grave’s disease, something else(I have diagnosed him as a full-blown narcissistic abuser in my head bc of the symptoms I outline below)or both. At this point I am away and have blocked all communication with him, but still have this nagging question. So here goes:

I left my ex last year because his episodes of rage resulted in him grabbing me by the neck a few times and swinging at me another. He felt no remorse over these incidences and seemed to be engaging in riskier and riskier behavior in general. He also seemed to want a lot of control over everything including me. He worked a lot, barely slept until I was around( one of his friends pointed out that he would only get cozy enough to fall asleep if I was around). He had a ridiculous, insatiable need for sex that got irritating after a while (I love sex as much as the next person but it was disrupting regular life). He seemed to be very manipulative at times as well and I caught him lying constantly over stupid things.

He treated himself by very sporadically taking his meds when he’d remember going weeks to months without it at a time sometimes. He smoked weed (also his industry as a cultivator) to keep an even keel mood and generally lashed out when he hadn’t smoked.


Please don’t think I’m stupid for this question as I know some of you do not experience the emotional impact of Graves’ disease so it may just seem like…why are you even asking this? Of course he’s just an abuser, but for those of you who have experienced Graves’ rage, hypersexuality or any of the other symptoms I named above, please let me know your experience and if this sounds like Graves’ or the other things I named above. Thank you so much.

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#2 Jan. 11, 2021 12:12:47

Kimberly
Online Facilitator
Registered: 2008-10-14
Posts: 4245
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Hello and welcome - This video on the emotional aspects of Graves' disease will hopefully be of interest. Having unstable thyroid levels can certainly lead to mood swings - but there can also be other underlying conditions at work. And an adult who refuses to adhere to a doctor's treatment recommendations is certainly *not* helping the situation. It sounds like you have already separated yourself from this individual, but for someone who was in the middle of this situation, we would tell them to take whatever action was needed to prioritize their own safety.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB8_5rbCso8&t=17s


Kimberly
GDATF Forum Facilitator

…through nature's inflexible grace, I'm learning to live…
– Dream Theater

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#3 Jan. 11, 2021 15:43:29

iwonder
Registered: 2021-01-09
Posts: 4
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Thanks so much for this reply. I watched this video already actually and appreciated the perspective. I was also hoping to hear from other people who have lived through this and their direct experiences to see if anyone could relate.

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#4 Jan. 12, 2021 10:59:44

Kimberly
Online Facilitator
Registered: 2008-10-14
Posts: 4245
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Hello - The search function will allow you to search for relevant terms here (“spouse”, “boyfriend”, “husband”, etc.. This forum isn't as active as it used to be. We also have groups available on Facebook (search for GDATF and click “join group” in the top right-hand corner of the screen) and at oneGRAVESvoice.com.


Kimberly
GDATF Forum Facilitator

…through nature's inflexible grace, I'm learning to live…
– Dream Theater

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#5 Jan. 12, 2021 22:52:43

iwonder
Registered: 2021-01-09
Posts: 4
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Thanks so much for this reply. I will look into these options!

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#6 Jan. 13, 2021 14:30:51

AzGravesGuy
From: Peoria, AZ
Registered: 2012-08-07
Posts: 160
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Hi there IWonder,

I read your posting with profound sadness.

My untreated Graves’ made me more or less a madman. Even on methimazole, in a “subclinical hyperthyroid” state, I was an anxiety filled, uncontrollable, humorless, joyless, often evil, sometimes violent a$$h*#@. I wanted vengeance on everyone and everything that I perceived as having “wronged me”. I didn’t sleep well, blamed others for my own shortcomings, and had a few moments I can clearly define as psychotic episodes. My body was reeling from the internal inflammation…I wanted to jump out of my skin. People trying to care about me only made it worse. This is exactly why we call it “Graves’ Rage”. Mean without an overt reason.

It was completely out of character and cost me many things in life. Jobs, money, friends, loved ones.

Now that I am on the other side of Graves’, years after a total thyroidectomy and being regulated on Synthroid, I still carry immense shame, embarrassment and guilt about how I acted and treated people that truly did not deserve it, or see it coming for that matter.

While in the throes of Graves’ I also used copious amounts of marijuana. Looking back, it did not make me any better mentally. I suspect it did help with my thyroid eye disease symptoms, but that is a story for another time.

Graves’ made me hate filled, which my therapist and I have been able to get to the root of, years later. My layman’s suspicion is that there are greater demons lurking in your ex’s psyche than he let on.

Is it “normal” to act like this with Graves’? In MY experience, yes. That is no excuse though. I was a verbal abuser and very gifted at it. ( I learned from the best, my parents, lol)

If he does not follow his med protocol, he will probably see many more days/years of feeling and acting the way he does. Sad. Thankfully not your problem anymore.

The good news is that YOU got out! YOU got away! Your focus should only be on YOU from now on.

It hurts to see people we once loved devolve into hurtful, violent strangers. But trying to reason why can keep you from embracing love and happiness in the present and future.

It is normal to wonder what happened, I get that. But given the individualistic nature of manifestations of Graves’, you may never get all the answers you want.

IMHO, the best thing you can do is close that door and keep walking. Don’t look back. You made it out alive. You’re free from your abuser.

I hope I have provided enough of an answer, or at least some insight for you about Graves’ behavior to stop wondering and continue moving forward.

You deserve better in life and I am very happy you were able to escape him.

Love and respect,

Rob




Edited AzGravesGuy (Jan. 15, 2021 03:56:39)

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#7 Jan. 15, 2021 15:29:18

Kimberly
Online Facilitator
Registered: 2008-10-14
Posts: 4245
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Thanks for checking in, Rob! Hope that all is well with you. (I mean, other than the COVID-19 crisis. )


Kimberly
GDATF Forum Facilitator

…through nature's inflexible grace, I'm learning to live…
– Dream Theater

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#8 Jan. 15, 2021 17:28:36

AzGravesGuy
From: Peoria, AZ
Registered: 2012-08-07
Posts: 160
Profile  

Concerned ex girlfriend: graves rage & abuse

Kimberly, sent PM

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